6 Ways to Build New Support When Facing Invisible Disabilities

6 Ways to Build New Support ImageBattling an illness, especially for an ongoing period of time, can bring about many losses, limitations and changes none of us would choose to face.

What’s more, it can be even harder to bear the adjustments when friends and family don’t seem to understand what we are going through or why the condition isn’t getting better.

Sadly, because of this lack of understanding, many relationships are broken. Frankly, sometimes loved ones don’t really want to work at it, watching us hurt may be too painful or they simply don’t know what to say.

Since most of us are accustomed to relying on loved ones, work and hobbies to keep us active socially, when those aspects in our lives dwindle down or disappear, we are left with a dilapidated infrastructure. As a result, we must learn to be intentional about building a new foundation of support and purpose.

Old and New Foundations


Here are a few building blocks I have discovered that are essential for us to embed into the groundwork of who we are and in our support community:

  • Loved Ones – Friends and family often try to be supportive by saying things they believe will encourage us to fight harder. Grievously, it can be hurtful when they say things such as, “But you LOOK good” or “Can’t you just try harder?” These kinds of statements can leave us feeling as if they have no idea how hard we are fighting and how much we want our lives back! Subsequently, loved ones may avoid us to avoid confrontation, take our saying “no” to a holiday dinner personally or inadvertently we become “out of sight, out of mind.” No matter what the reasons, we oftentimes feel misunderstood, abandoned and forgotten. Sometimes we have to work at keeping those relationships that aren’t perfect, but they are trying. Other times, we need to move on and find new relationships.
  • Medical Teams – Unfortunately, for many living with chronic illness, our worlds become full of tests, doctor appointments and treatments. Therefore, it is extremely important to build a great team of doctors, counselors and/or practitioners who care enough to listen and are capable of digging deeper into our case.
  • Social & Support – Finding a social outlet is crucial to combating loneliness. This can be found through a community center, club, church or support group where we can meet others who are facing similar life hardships. Of course, for many it is extremely difficult to get out and about. Thus, we can find ways that work for us, such as an online support group.
  • Purpose and Passion – We must remember that even without our careers or other things we have lost that gave us identity, we all have purpose and value. Therefore, we must grasp onto knowing that no matter what, our lives have meaning; we have meaning! To find our passion, sometimes we have to pull out an old hobby or create a new one such as artwork, crafts or writing. We can also find gratification in reaching out to others or volunteering. Even if we can’t get out of our homes to help in a local soup kitchen, we can send encouraging notes in the mail, by email, on social media or in an online support group. Who we are is what we enjoy, what we believe and how we love. Although how we express it can be limited, it can’t be taken away.
  • Healthy Living – Many people don’t think twice about the environment around us. Yet, it is important for us to do our best to rid our homes and bodies of unnecessary chemicals such as synthetically fragranced products, air fresheners and harsh cleaners. We can also seek out a healthy diet and nutritional plan, as well as address hidden food sensitivities, allergies or vitamin deficiencies. Being intentional about watching and listening to things that are encouraging or funny is another helpful strategy. Hope and laughter is good for the soul and the body. These things may not cure us, but we our giving our bodies the best fighting chance for optimum health.
  • Be An Advocate – Get involved in a non-profit organization that speaks to your fight. Support their cause. Tell others about their website and resources. Participate in their special projects.

2015 Invisible Disabilities Week:

One great opportunity to get involved is the 2015 Invisible Disabilities Week October 18-24.  It is a world-wide campaign for people living with illness, pain and injury, sponsored by the Invisible Disabilities Association.

There will be a week of activities people can participate in online! Participants will have the opportunity to share their stories, as well as spread awareness, education and support through photos, videos and MEME’s. This social media campaign will be on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram! Join us and see details at: InvisibleDisabilitiesWeek.org.

Sherri’s blog was published on The Mighty on 10/19/15. Some changes to the article on The Mighty were made by the editors. Main photo source: Thinkstock.

Chemical Injury Awareness Month

Sherri MCS Isolated

May is Awareness Month for Environmental Illness, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, Toxic Encephalopathy and Chemical Injury Awareness.

Adverse health reactions to low or moderate levels of chemicals is not a rare disorder some people have and the rest are immune to developing it. A Chemical Injury can happen to anyone! It can occur through a large, sudden exposure or more commonly, from the use of from the use of regular, everyday products (such as air fresheners, cleaners, perfumes, chemically fragranced personal care products, pesticides, paints, stains and new cars or furniture).

In 1996, the California Health Services Dept found that 15.9% reported being unusually sensitive to everyday chemical. In 2010, University of Washington discovered that 30.5% reported they find scented products on other people irritating.

Adverse health effects include, but are not limited to: difficulty breathing, burning eyes, burning skin, blurred vision, headaches, migraines, vertigo, nausea, organ pain, memory loss, cognitive dysfunctions, paralysis, seizures and more.

In addition, I am sure there are many more who have headaches and other symptoms, but have yet to make the correlation. What’s more, these chemicals attack the immune system, nervous system, organs and cells, as well as block and modulate hormone production. As a result, we are all affected, whether we notice it right this moment or not.

It is not the “smell” that is the issue. The term “fragrance” is considered a trade secret, therefore companies can use any conglomeration of dozens of chemicals they desire to create their fragrance.

“A study led by the University of Washington discovered that 25 commonly used scented products emit an average of 17 chemicals each. Of the 133 different chemicals detected, nearly a quarter are classified as toxic or hazardous under at least one federal law” (Steinemann, UW 2010).

As you can imagine, millions like me end up extremely isolated in their homes, missing out on time with friends and family, church, parties, weddings, graduations and holidays, because they wear chemically fragranced products.

This disorder is preventable! I only wish I had known BEFORE and it is my passion to get the word out for others, before they end up where I have been.

Here is my plea: Please stop using toxic chemicals in your home, on your lawn and on your body! There are many wonderful alternatives for cleaning and personal care products. Please do it for those who react to these products and are isolated from you if you use them. Please do this your family and for those around you. Please do this for you!

Read My Full Story!

For more information go to the Invisible Disabilities Association’s website, Cleaner Indoor Air. 

MCS Can Be Lonely

Choose Friendships Over Fragrances

Visiting with a Loved One with Chemical Injury

Chemical Sensitivities with Pluto and Minnie

Toxins in Everyday Household Products with Anne Steinemann PhD


GreenSpace: Carpeting Presents Complex Health Issues

Toxic CarpetBy Dr. Mercola – October 1, 2014

Many people covet the “new car smell” that comes of a new car. A similar smell comes along with some new carpeting and is typically a sure sign it is releasing toxic volatile organic compounds (VOCs) into your home’s air.

VOCs can include highly toxic chemicals such as formaldehyde and acetaldehyde, along with benzene, toluene, perchloroethylene, and more. In the short term, such as immediately after new carpeting is installed, VOCs may cause headaches, nausea, and nerve problems, along with irritation to your eyes, nose, and throat.

Over time, exposure to VOCs has been linked to an increased risk of cancer in animal studies.1 VOCs come from many sources, but those released in your home are potentially the most dangerous because they accumulate in the air (whereas VOCs released outdoors are naturally diluted).

New Carpeting May ‘Flood’ Your Home with VOCs

The largest release of VOCs from new carpeting will occur in the first 72 hours after installation. However, low levels can continue to be emitted for years later (adding to the other VOCs in your home’s air from paints, varnishes, furniture, and other sources).

This is likely one reason why new carpet installation is associated with wheezing and coughing in babies during their first year of life,2 although there are other chemicals of concern as well. As reported by the Ecology Center:3

Synthetic carpets are made from nylon fibers with a polypropylene backing. Of the chemicals released from carpet, most notable are styrene and 4-phenylcyclohexane (4-PC), both of which come from the latex backing used on 95 percent of carpets.

The ‘new carpet’ aroma is the odor of 4-PC off-gassing, which is an eye– and respiratory-tract irritant that may also affect the central nervous system. The adhesive used to affix the carpet to the floor typically contains benzene and toluene, some of the most harmful VOCs.”

Flame Retardants, Stain Protectors, and Insecticides Common in Carpeting

Carpeting, including its backing, adhesives, and padding, is often treated at the factory with toxic flame retardants, stain protectors, and moth repellants. A report from Greenpeace Research Laboratories explained:4

The majority of industrially produced carpets contain a range of chemical additives. Chemicals are impregnated during the manufacture of the carpet fiber or are introduced externally as topical treatments on the final product.

The proposed purpose of some of these chemicals is to protect against dust mites, bacteria, molds and fungi. However, the addition of chemicals to carpets results in potential human exposure to hazardous chemicals in the home and other indoor environments.”

Greenpeace research analyzed eight carpet samples and found some contain high levels of endocrine-disrupting organotins, flame retardants, and permethrin (a pesticide), along with low levels of formaldehyde.

Flame-retardant chemicals, like PBDEs, have been linked to serious health risks like infertility, birth defects, neurodevelopmental delays, reduced IQ scores and behavioral problems in children, hormone disruptions, and various forms of cancer.

In fact, PBDEs were recently identified as one of 17 “high priority” chemical groups that should be avoided to reduce your breast cancer risk.5

When flame retardants are combined with VOCs, pesticides, and the additional chemical cocktail in carpeting (and other synthetic household products), it’s anyone’s guess what the result may be on human health and the environment (but rising rates of allergies, asthma, and chronic diseases give some indication…).

Greening Your Carpet: Tips for Less Toxic Carpeting

If you can, avoid carpeting altogether in favor of less toxic flooring surfaces (like hardwood, bamboo, or stone/tile). If not, it’s important to know how to “green” your carpet.

This takes a bit of due diligence, as even seemingly “healthier” carpets, like those that include recycled materials can be problematic. Some manufacturers are using a byproduct from coal-fired power plants, called coal fly ash, in their recycled carpeting, which is concerning because it may contain toxic heavy metals.6

First, consider carpeting and rugs made from natural materials, like wool. These will (typically) not contain flame-retardants or stain-resistant chemicals and will naturally repel insects. Carpets made from wool make up only a very small percentage of total production (0.4 percent) while nylon has the largest market share (57 percent).7

You can also look for carpeting with the Green Label Plus, which is given to the lowest-emitting carpet, adhesive, and cushion products on the market. The downside is that the Green Label Plus program is industry-run by the Carpet and Rug Institute.

When your carpet is installed (even if it’s Green Label), it’s recommended that you have it unrolled and allow it to air-out in a well-ventilated space for 72 hours prior to installation (such as in a warehouse). If that’s not possible, it’s best to stay elsewhere for the first 72 hours after new carpeting is installed, and keep the area well ventilated to release toxins.

You may also want to consider buying refurbished carpet, or having yours cleaned using non-toxic methods, instead of buying new, which will be better for your health and the environment. If you’ll be disposing of your old carpeting, be aware that pulling up old carpet will release significant amounts of toxins into the air, so precautions should be taken.

of pounds of old carpeting are sent to landfills every year, causing considerable environmental pollution and burden. Check out the Carpet America Recovery Effort to find out if your old carpet can be recycled.8

Water from Laundry Is Releasing Flame Retardants Into the Environment

The issue of household chemicals is complex and stretches far beyond carpeting. Flame retardant chemicals, for instance, are also found in furniture and other household goods. They’ve even been detected in laundry wash water, according to scientists with the Washington Toxics Coalition.9 They tested household dust and wash water and found flame retardant chemicals in all samples tested.

They believe the chemicals are sloughing off couches and TVs, collecting on clothing and washing out in the laundry. From there, they’re going right through wastewater treatment plants and out into local waterways.

Prior studies have shown flame retardants in the Columbia River as well as wildlife in the area, and the new research provides a potential explanation why. Today, it’s estimated that 90 percent of Americans have some level of flame-retardant chemicals in their bodies. The study’s lead author explained:

Toxic flame retardants are hitchhiking on our clothes and literally coming out in the wash… This study demonstrates for the first time a key way that toxic flame retardants found in our homes are transported to outdoor environments.”

Chemicals in Makeup, Perfume, and Plastics May Trigger Asthma in Children

Toxic chemicals are literally all around us, including in the personal care products, such as makeup and perfume, that many people use daily. One recent study by researchers at the University of Columbia in New York measured chemicals called phthalates – used widely in plastics and personal care products – in the urine of pregnant women. Those with the highest levels had children who were 72 percent more likely to develop asthma.10

And, compared to women with low levels, children born to women with the highest levels of one type of phthalate (di-n-butyl phthalate) had a 78 percent greater risk of asthma. The researchers urged women to check their makeup for the presence of phthalates as well as take other precautions. Said Dr. Robin Whyatt of Columbia University:11

These chemicals are very widely used in very high volume and they are not generally listed on labels… There are some simple steps families can take. Avoid using plastic containers and as much as you can store your food in glass jars in the fridge… Never microwave in plastic. It is also worth considering cutting back on using any scented products – cosmetics, perfumes, air fresheners and detergents.”

How to Minimize Your Risks from Indoor Air Pollutants

Inhaling toxins in your indoor air that outgas from household items like carpeting, as well as picking them up via household dust, are among the primary sources of toxin exposure. The most effective way to improve your indoor air quality is to control or eliminate as many sources of pollution as you can first, before using any type of air purifier. This includes accounting for molds, tobacco smoke, VOCs from paints, aerosol sprays, and household cleaners, pesticides, phthalates from vinyl flooring and personal care products, pollutants from pressure-treated wood products, radon gas, and more (see tips below).

The next step to take is free—open some windows. Of course, this can only take you so far, but it’s an important and simple step. Next, since it is impossible to eliminate ALL air contaminants, one of the best things you can do is incorporate a high-quality air purifier. At present, and after much careful review and study, I believe air purifiers using Photo Catalytic Oxidation (PCO) seem to be the best technology available. Aside from using an air purification system, there are a number of other steps you can take to take charge of your air quality and greatly reduce the amount of air pollutants generated in your home:

  • Vacuum your floors regularly using a HEPA filter vacuum cleaner or, even better, a central vacuum cleaner that can be retrofitted to your existing house if you don’t currently have one. Standard bag or bagless vacuum cleaners are another primary contributor to poor indoor air quality. A regular vacuum cleaner typically has about a 20-micron tolerance. Although that’s tiny, far more microscopic particles flow right through the vacuum cleaner than it actually picks up! Beware of cheaper knock-offs that profess to have “HEPA-like” filters—get the real deal.
  • Increase ventilation by opening a few windows every day for 5 to 10 minutes, preferably on opposite sides of the house. (Although outdoor air quality may be poor, stale indoor air is typically even worse by a wide margin.)
  • Get some houseplants. Even NASA has found that plants markedly improve the air! For tips and guidelines, see my previous article “The 10 Best Pollution-Busting Houseplants.”
  • Take your shoes off as soon as you enter the house, and leave them by the door to prevent tracking in of toxic particles.
  • Discourage or even better, forbid, tobacco smoking in or around your home.
  • Switch to non-toxic cleaning products (such as baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, and vinegar) and safer personal care products. Avoid aerosols. Look for VOC-free cleaners. Avoid commercial air fresheners and scented candles, which can outgas literally thousands of different chemicals into your breathing space.
  • Avoid powders. Talcum and other personal care powders can be problematic as they float and linger in the air after each use. Many powders are allergens due to their tiny size, and can cause respiratory problems.
  • Don’t hang dry-cleaned clothing in your closet immediately. Hang them outside for a day or two. Better yet, see if there’s an eco-friendly dry cleaner in your city that uses some of the newer dry cleaning technologies, such as liquid CO2.
  • Upgrade your furnace filters. Today, there are more elaborate filters that trap more of the particulates. Have your furnace and air conditioning ductwork and chimney cleaned regularly.
  • Avoid storing paints, adhesives, solvents, and other harsh chemicals in your house or in an attached garage.
  • Avoid using nonstick cookware, which can release toxins into the air when heated.
  • Ensure your combustion appliances are properly vented.
  • Make sure your house has proper drainage and its foundation is sealed properly to avoid mold formation.
  • The same principles apply to ventilation inside your car—especially if your car is new—and chemicals from plastics, solvents, carpet, and audio equipment add to the toxic mix in your car’s cabin. Like the smell of new carpeting, that “new car smell” can contain up to 35 times the health limit for VOCs “making its enjoyment akin to glue-sniffing.”12

Additionally, you may want to consider an active form of air purification, rather than passive air filtration. I personally use two of our Pure & Clear air purifiers to constantly purify the air in my home, There is not a filter in these units; they merely circulate particles that decimate VOCs and mold spores that happen to be in the air. For even more information, see “The Inside Story: A Guide to Indoor Air Quality” issued by the US Consumer Product Safety Commission.

A Very Thankful Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving with Family www.SherriConnell

We are so thankful to have spent the day with Wayne’s family! We had brunch with his dad, Russ and (step) mom, Eloise brother Wes and family and his (step) brother, Mark! Then we had dinner with his sister, Susan, 2 brothers, Daddy Comes Home www.SherriConnellWes and Rusty, spouses, nieces, nephews and great nieces and nephews. The house was full of laughter and children running everywhere!

We missed Wayne’s brother Shawn and his family, because Shawn had to work. And we missed Wayne’s mom, Karen, who went to be with the Lord in September.

I am thankful to be in a house with lots of family again. There were many years, I could not be due to all the chemicals in fragrances. I believe people are no longer using strong fabric softeners and I have also been turning the clock back on these intolerances to chemicals.

Sherri is Thankful for Snickers www.SherriConnellI am not totally there yet, but making progress! And, of course, I still have Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, Late-Chronic Lyme Disease and Traumatic Brain Injury. Nevertheless, I am SO grateful to be able to be around family again! Praise God!

We are also so thankful to still have Snickers with us, though she wasn’t supposed to make it past November 22nd. Snickers needs a pacemaker, but she wouldn’t survive the surgery. She has a fatal heart condition that is not treatable by medications. She also has seizures from either a brain injury or a tumor and probable cancer. She wasn’t supposed to make it to Thanksgiving. So, we are thankful she did!





Check Your Labels for “Fragrance!”

Check Your Labels for Fragrance www.SherriConnell

Product manufacturers are protected under Trade Secret laws to not have to reveal the chemicals used to create scents in their products. They need only to list the term “Fragrance.” Often many of the chemicals used to create fragrances are on the Hazardous Waste list, neurotoxins, petroleum products, etc.

According to a 2010 study:

We investigated volatile organic compounds (VOCs) emitted from 25 common fragranced consumer products—laundry products, personal care products, cleaning supplies, and air fresheners—using headspace analysis with gas chromatography/mass spectrometry (GC/MS). Our analysis found 133 different VOCs emitted from the 25 products, with an average of 17 VOCs per product. Of these 133 VOCs, 24 are classified as toxic or hazardous under U.S. federal laws, and each product emitted at least one of these compounds (2010 Study, Steinemann).

Laundry Products www.SherriConnellHere are some of the chemicals found in laundry products alone for example, by the University of Washington:

The following are “regulated as toxic/hazardous chemical” under 1-7 laws (except Benzyl Acetate). They are also listed as either a recognized or suspected as a Carcinogen, Neurotoxicant, Immunotoxicant, Kidney Toxicant, Liver Toxicant, Blood Toxicant, Developmental Toxicant, Respiratory Toxicant, Gastrointestinal Toxicant, Reproductive Toxicant, Endocrine Toxicant, Skin and/or Sense Organ Toxicant. Acetaldehyde (recognized carcinogen), 1,4-DIOXANE (recognized carcinogen), CHLOROMETHANE (recognized developmental toxicant, 2-BUTANONE, a-Pinene, Benzyl Acetate, Ethanol, Ethyl Acetate, Limonene, Linalool (Steinemann, Laundry).

More information: www.CleanerIndoorAir.org
My Story: http://sherriconnell.com/about-me/living-with-chemical-injury-intolerance/
Where to find good products: Natural Grocers by Vitamin Cottage

Christmas and New Year Blessings

2013 Connell Christmas Card

Flying HIGH after having an INCREDIBLE Christmas week with family in Wyoming!!

Had such a great time with Wes, Melanie, the boys and Melanie’s sister and kids!

Thank you all for using fragrance free laundry and showering products!! What a beautiful time with all the kids and your sister and family!! Love you all SO much!! And thank you, Deb and Bree for house and pet sitting!!

Wait! I have more news! Wayne and I spent New Year’s Eve with family and friends and not home alone as usual! We had a great time laughing and playing cards! It was SO good to see the people we love again!

Praise God I was able to stay (usually too much chemical fragrance) and enjoy the evening! Been down with fevers and welts in my throat since then, but at least I was able to be there. Thank you everyone!! I have missed you all SO much! It has been WAY too long!

Photo: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Wayne Connell, Sherri, Snickers, Jelly Bean, Kit Kat, Pumpkin and Cookie The Adventures of Pumpkin and Cookie: Nigerian Dwarf Goats Extraordinaire).

Time with Someone Living with Illness and Pain is a Priceless Gift of Love

Time is a Priceless Gift of Love! SherriConnell.comSpending time with a loved one living with debilitating illness and pain is a priceless gift of love.

In this Bitstrip, I have my amazing sister in law, Melanie spending time with me!

Sad she lives so far away!

Going Fragrance Free When Visiting a Loved One – Video Interview

FF for Loved One Interview w Melanie ConnellLiving with Environmental Illness is a challenge that often brings about isolation from public, friends and family.

Many loved ones feel overwhelmed by the endeavor of going fragrance free. They don’t know where to start, where to buy products and often fear making someone ill by missing something. Thus, they often avoid the issue and in turn avoid the person living with chemical intolerance.

As I tell everyone I come in contact with, using fragrance free and natural products is health choice for everyone. In other words, it can be viewed as a positive change for all, rather than a sacrifice just for someone who has an issue.

For those who for whatever reason don’t want to change out all their soap, shampoo, deodorant, lotion and hair products, one suggestion I have for people is to keep a Fragrance Free Kit.

Of course, if they want their loved one to visit their home, it will probably need to not have any air fresheners, new carpet, paint, lots of candles, carpet shampoo, stains, harsh cleaners, smokers, regular perfume wearers, etc. On the other hand, if these are not an issues, often there can be some compromise.

First, if the loved one cannot tolerate fragranced laundry products, those will need to be changed long term. These do not wash out easily and linger for many months or longer even when washed multiple times.

Second, we can purchase fragrance free shampoo, soap and deodorant. We keep this under our cabinet and pull them out to use for several showers before visiting with our loved one. We can omit other hair products, lotions, sprays, etc or add fragrance free versions to our kit.

For more information on living with Environmental Illness, the Choose Friendships Over Fragrances Campaign, resources and more: Cleaner Indoor Air Campaign

Do you or a loved one live with debilitating illness or pain? Invisible Disabilities Association

Disclaimer: I am not an expert and this may or may not work for you and your loved one. Please ask your friend or family member what they can or cannot tolerate and what will work for them. Also note that most likely alternatives will not work if there are air fresheners, new carpets, paint, stains, carpet shampoo’s etc. in the home.

Thankful for 2012 Fragrance Free Holidays with Family

I am so thankful for my family who made it possible for me to spend the weekend in their home for Thanksgiving. The weekend was filled with being surrounded by my amazing nephews and I was loving it!!

I enjoyed every moment of the kids running around, playing, wrestling and most of all for their giving and caring hearts! It was incredible to be there with my sister, brother in law, their kids and Wayne’s mom (Karen). I have not been there for a long time, because they had some remodeling done and it took a while for all the new paints and carpets to out-gas.

What’s more, they came and stayed at our house for two days after Christmas. And, we were able to spend Christmas Eve Day with Wayne’s dad, mom (Eloise) and more family. Yay!

Thank you all for switching to fragrance free laundry several many years ago (it takes a while to get out of clothes, so that is IMG_0514something that does need to be changed ahead of time) then using FF shampoo, soap and deodorant before we spent time together.
I hope that more families will see that it is possible and unleash us from isolation and back into the arms of those we love!
Watch my latest video interview, “Going Fragrance-Free When Visiting a Loved One. I interviewed my sister in law, Melanie and her son, Cole! Great tips and suggestions for bringing friends and family back together!

Living and Grieving in Isolation

My friend, Ann, called me about a week and a half ago and said she and her husband would like to meet us for dinner in a couple of months. How awesome! She said they discussed it and wanted to wait until the visiting and calls started slowing down for me. Sadly, they know the in’s and out’s of grief and loss, because their 17 year old son passed away 5 years ago in February. They are now grief counselors and know this is what is “normal.”

However, as I told her, she was the third call I got and I hadn’t had even ONE visitor at my home or elsewhere since the day I found out my brother passed away. Now it is going on 6 weeks and I can still say the same thing.

My friend, Barb, who came over the day he passed was planning on coming, but she got sick. So, I am sure I will see her soon. Thank you, sweetie!!

But really? Did this really happen? Did I really go through 6 weeks of utter despair without people around me?

I am not hinting for people to call me now. Frankly, I don’t even want to talk on the phone. Yet, it is strange that people weren’t even trying to call and at least talk to Wayne.

People don’t have to come up with the right words to make someone feel better. In fact, it is better to pass on the platitudes and just love someone and be there for them. Laugh with them and cry with them. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” Romans 12:15. Have dinner together, watch a movie or play a game. These are the kinds of relationships I yearn to have with friends and family, not just in this time of need, but people I can share my life with for a very long time.

I realize that I not only have 24×7 horrific pain and limitations which keep me from being able to get out and about very much, but I also have the chemical sensitivities which also keeps others from being able to visit me. Nonetheless, I have written until I am blue that as long as someone uses fragrance free laundry detergent, I can provide shampoo, soap and deodorant for them to use before we meet if those are an issue. I have offered my medical scrubs and even my shower. There are usually ways around it. Still, I often go months without spending time with people.

These Scriptures keep running through my head, “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:39-41 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ Matthew 25:44-46

What is really nuts is that with all I have been through in the past 20 years, I have kept my “self-esteem” together pretty well. After all, I am a giving, caring, loving, funny, pretty smart, talented person (tee hee). But now I find myself wondering why I am not worth the trouble. I see people on Facebook talking about having dinner, visits, etc with other people, but they tell me they are too busy.

With being isolated for 20 years and the past 6 years being so extreme, I have asked myself if people would miss me if I were gone. Now, I am not talking about people being sad, because I am sure they would be lots of friends and family who would be sorry to hear I was gone. However, I am talking about people actually missing me in their lives, on their path to church, work, social settings or at home, because I never or rarely see them if I do see them at all.

On the other hand, I am missing my brother everywhere! There is a hole on the big, puffy green chair he loved, a hole on my driveway where his Trans Am rolled in, a hole on my couch where we ate the Texas Roadhouse dinner he drove 300 miles to bring me and a hole in my doorway where he would say, “Hey kiddo! I’m here! Give me a big hug!”

He was always there for me when my friends scattered. I hate that hole! It is everywhere! I just want to wake up from this nightmare and leap into his arms.


Remembering the Best Brother a Girl Could Have

The First Month Without My Brother

Providential Blessings in the Midst of Tragedy